Love on the Edge: How to Avoid Quarrels and Conflicts at Sea

They say that arguments on a yacht are like waves: they come and go. But in late May, a storm was unstoppable on a British sailing yacht off the coast of Portugal. According to local media, a 60-year-old Briton allegedly deliberately pushed his companion overboard. He continued on his way, knowing full well that she was not able to stay afloat.

The incident occurred near the Tagus River, which flows into the Atlantic near Lisbon. The woman was lucky: she was accidentally spotted by a passing vessel and pulled out of the water. The coast guard was called to the scene, which stopped the sailboat.

The skipper was arrested and the yacht was towed to the Oeiras Marina (pictured above), a suburb of the Portuguese capital. The man is currently under investigation. He has been charged with domestic violence and attempted murder. In Portugal, such an offense carries a prison sentence of up to ten years.

But how did all this become possible? According to Portuguese media, the couple met just a year ago and set off on a round-the-world trip in December, supposedly to fulfill their dream of freedom and new horizons. However, the dream quickly turned into a nightmare. It all ended in an attempted murder, but it seems the conflict had been brewing for a long time. According to investigators, quarrels regularly broke out between the partners on board, sometimes leading to physical violence.

This article is an adaptation of the article "Wenn die Liebe über Bord geht" by Jens Brambusch for the website Float.de. 

Domestic Violence on Yachts

Domestic violence on yachts is no less a serious problem than on land. Sailors are people, and sailing does not free one from personal dramas. In fact, life on a boat only increases the tension.

When you imagine a round-the-world voyage, pictures come to mind: palm trees, turquoise bays, the rustle of waves on white sand. Somewhere nearby is a glass of rum and exotic fruits, on the horizon are evenly inflated sails, and under the keel is clear water.

But the reality on board during a long voyage is often quite different. Without exception, any couple – be they lovers or friends – undergoes a tough test. Small irritants develop into serious conflicts. There is little space, no privacy, someone is constantly trying to prove their supremacy as skipper… The yacht turns into a closed vessel, where emotions boil very quickly.

Minimum personal space, constant stress from wind, waves, changeable weather, unfamiliar terrain or familiar but still annoying insects. Add to this seasickness and lack of sleep on long passages. 

All this is exhausting. On land, partners at least have the opportunity to go to their corners for a while. On a yacht, there is no such luxury. That is why it is important to be able to cope with tension and quarrels. Otherwise, even a grand voyage can quickly end.

Conflicts need to be nipped in the bud

Direct and honest communication is the basis for survival on board. No one should be embarrassed to talk about their feelings and thoughts. Whether it is the weather forecast, the route or everyday issues - silence only increases the tension. Life on a boat is different from life on land. 

What used to seem like a trifle suddenly becomes a trigger. Someone takes too long to shower, someone uses electricity without measure, someone has not replenished food supplies... The list can go on for a very long time, because "triggers" are limited only by the imagination of our brains. 

Even order and cleanliness on board take on special value. One forgotten candy wrapper or screwdriver can ruin everyone's mood, and a discharged headlamp can literally plunge the team into darkness. These little things accumulate and become a heavy burden for the entire joint voyage.

The key skill on board is to truly listen – without interrupting or preparing to fight back. Without normal dialogue, it is almost impossible to understand what the other person is feeling. And accusations and reproaches on a boat are the worst possible way. 

Instead of “you always screw everything up,” you should say from yourself: “I feel insecure when I don’t know what you’re going to do.” For example, when entering a marina, if something goes wrong, the skipper can calmly explain what was wrong — the current, a crosswind, or something else — and thus direct the partner’s attention to the essence, and not to emotions.

Roles on board as a vital necessity

There is no margin of safety for chaos on a boat. Clearly distributed roles and areas of responsibility are not about hierarchy, but about survival. This reduces the risk of misunderstandings and conflicts due to overload.

Yes, in an ideal world everything is decided together, but in reality, one person is at the helm. In critical situations, the skipper has the final say. And this is not always easy to accept, especially if you are equal partners on land. It is important to remember: the skipper can make mistakes, and his decisions are worth discussing - but not at the moment of mooring or a storm. Leave the discussion for later, when time and nerves allow.

But planning the route, transitions and decisions is a mutual matter. It is the joint choice that gives rise to joint responsibility. If one decides to go out into the storm, and the other does not agree, a quarrel is almost inevitable. "I told you so!" - only adds fuel to the fire. It is better to discuss all the pros and cons in advance, weigh the alternatives and explain your position. This does not guarantee complete agreement, but it will certainly protect you from resentment and reproaches.

Routine as an anchor of calm

The key word on board is compromise. This applies to everyone: it is impossible for everyone to always do things their own way. You need to be able to respect personal space, even when, in fact, there is none. This is especially important in tense moments: the ability to simply go to the cabin and catch your breath can sometimes save a relationship. On a catamaran, this is easier - everyone has their own hull, and in the event of a quarrel, you can literally go to the corners.

Structure and routine reduce chaos. Clearly assigning tasks – who cooks, who cleans, who stands watch, who monitors the technical condition of the boat – helps avoid stepping on each other’s toes and building up resentment. Especially on long passages.

Don't forget to take a break

Life on a boat requires constant decisions: What will the weather be like tomorrow? Where to anchor? Where to refuel? What about food? Is there a decent shore nearby? How reliable is the anchor? Will the wind change? The brain is boiling from the very morning. And even if decisions are made together, almost every day someone has to give in - and this is exhausting.

That is why it is so important to stop sometimes. Not only to take a break, but also to feel again why you went out to sea in the first place. To unload worries from your head, to discuss accumulated issues or simply to run to the shore – to a restaurant, to the beach, to the forest. Conflicts are like a thunderstorm. And when a storm is approaching, you should not meet it with full sails. It is better to take a break in time, remove the “sails of the ego” and reduce the sail area to a minimum.

New video on Interparus channel

🛠️We tuned and tuned and finally tuned! We present a video review of the Dufour 37 - one of the most interesting boats of the shipyard. As usual, we will tell and show the main modifications, layout and other interesting things. Enjoy watching!

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19.06.2025